house, as Johnson wanted to uphold his new-metro-Semitic-southeastern-catholic-of the lord our lady bishop-catholic church. Johnson had a small name change after confusion with other churches.
In the later years of his life jonni had come to the realization (inspired by a TV commercial) that he will never amount to anything in life without a degree, so he enrolled in the university of phoenix, the original one located in northern Massachusetts. It was there he met his second wife, Jo-Ann, a 57 year old obese woman of which he married and had approxamently 32 children, unfortunately all of their children were born with horribly birth defects, for reasons they did not know. They decided to visit a doctor to see if he could figure out the reason all their 32 children were retarded. After a few blood tests the doctor discovered that Jo-Ann was in fact jonni’s grandmother, making jonni his own grandfather.
It wasn’t until 6 years later when Jo-Ann was on her death bed that they decided to get a divorce. Jonni was now 33 years old and felt completely fulfilled in life thanks to his education from the university of phoenix. It was then when he made another whore house featuring the main whore Linda star, who only accepted a currency that she invented where 1 buck equaled 30 American dollars therefore the whore house was named “star bucks”. It wasn’t until a few years later when customers started asking for coffee during sessions did jonni start to officially sell coffee over the next few months coffee sales were so high that jonni fired Linda star…’s mutilated body from a cannon into the pacific ocean.
Jonni, the young entroupenour, decided to expand his portfolio of retarded children by moving to Hawaii and fucking a black woman. He then opened dairy queen, a whore house where gay men are forced into being straight, by having sex with fat white girls. And also started oxygen, the TV channel originally aimed towards whores. Jonni, being 45 and going thru a mid life crises, decided to no… not purchase an expensive sports car, but commit horrible crimes. Like rape. Why rape, because no one can hear you scream in space, yes space. That motherfucker owned a rocket. He was the first American to get rocket head, and the first human to get it from the opposite sex. The Russians did it with monkeys and shit first, fucking weirdoes. Anyway, when arriving on the moon at his private real estate, he fucked bitches, got money, but most importantly found out that he had not only given birth to 2pac but also the notorious B.I.G. their mother was flown from Hawaii to SPACE where they were born on his space ranch.
When he got back to Akron, he started chex cereal, and promptly raped every little boy on the cover of his cereal box. He later went to gay child molesting therapy (where Michael Jackson is now, he’s not really dead FYI). Anyway, in 2002, jonni invented MySpace. Its original slogan was slutty bitches and shitty bands. But he sold MySpace to another owner to make way for facebook. In 2004, that shit went down. But it wasn’t profitable, so he invented twitter, with its original slogan, nobody gives a shit, that was actually the name of the site but the twitter bird didn’t fare well next to that name.
Oh ya, I almost forgot he originally wrote Anne frank’s diary, it was a work of fiction but nobody seems to understand. In 2008 one of his dumb nigro children was elected president, and shit jonni even bought out Gatorade, and Uncle Ben’s rice. He merged the two companies into one. Uncle bens Cajunaid. The stock dropped 89% leaving jonni broke and miserable.
But then in 2009 he had major plastic surgery and turned into pop sensation Justin Beiber. Every night he unzips his Justin Beiber costume and turns into kanye west to go out and party and do white chicks. No one had any idea until the mtv music awards where jonni got up on stage as kanye to tell the world that Taylor swift didn’t deserve the award she had one because the person who did deserve the award was Beyonce who jonni also was. In 2010 jonni hired a small Mexican to continue the role of Justin Bieber. Basically jonni pulled the iphone 4 out of his asshole. He only intended on using the iphone to pleasure his wife, but apparently, Steve jobs caught wind and payed him 50000000 –that much money for the design and software. Hmmm must have been all the children he raped. Anyway bored with pulling things out of his asshole, he decided to travel back in time and create BP then fuck it up as revenge to the British. Mostly for the Monty python TV show because it’s really not that funny.